#sorry can't change won't change
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I took a screenshot and it's doing things to me I can't describe
#there is something about it#I just can't look away#once again got proved that the best outcomes come with unexpected choices#and losses....#(Ciel's left hand that got cropped out is my main loss in this post)#sorry for shitposting it's just that when I saw it separately it suddenly was like a whole new (and honestly better looking :') ) picture#ahhh just one more reason not to post right away and give it some time before returning with refreshed view and all that i guess#won't put usual tags on it for now as to not clog them up with basically the same thing#though might change my mind later who knows
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"It's normal for siblings to fight" Okay well it's not normal to be extremely classist and look down on your sister for being non-conforming. Or to go to the woman who ordered the death of your pet to tell her about your father's plans, when he specifically warned you against doing so, because you want to marry the boy you saw attack your sister and her friend (contributing partially to said father's death and your sister being unable to escape on the ship he chartered). Or to think of your sibling as unsatisfactory in comparison to another when you believe her to be dead. I notice that none of the "Sansa and Arya are going to reunite and instantly have no issues" crowd ever acknowledge any of this, which makes it seem like they don't actually believe what they say about their relationship being normal and easily reconciled. People wanting them to have no issues simply because they're siblings is another example of how fandom likes to flatten complex characters and relationships. They get reduced to being bickering siblings when their conflict runs deeper than that. If the author is telling you that they have "deep issues" to work out [X], I don't understand being so adamant about ignoring said issues. I also get the sense it's about ignoring the capacity for a certain character to be flawed, but that isn't going to change the fact that her "slip of the tongue" is very likely to be revealed and a source of further conflict 🤷🏾♀️
#arya stark#sansa stark#house stark#asoiaf#also if it's so normal for siblings to fight then why are you guys losing your minds over us theorizing they won't get along??#the amount of condescending /that's just how siblings act/ takes I see 🙄#sorry I guess? that we read the book and don't just delete parts of the story because we find it convenient?#it's not even like takes about them being enemies is widespread the most I see is that they aren't instantly bffs when they reunite 😭#some people theorize they'll never be close but guess what? that's a completely fair and valid assumption based on their relationship!#personally I think they'll have a sweet reunion before the issues they have inevitably surface again because while they've been through#a lot they haven't fundamentally changed as people or the values they hold#and I think that's going to be very interesting to read about!#I can't figure out why people always take the most boring bland route for how things will play out#mostly because people seem to be unable to swallow the concept that Sansa is a flawed character who isn't perfectly sweet all the time#and the fact that their conflict is instigated by Sansa's classism#which is funny cause in the grand scheme of things her being mean to Arya is such a mild thing that opens the door to a ton of growth#never seen anybody but stansas equating her being a bully to her sister to her being evil/a villain#all we do is point out that it exists in the story...people in this fandom have no concept of nuance I stg 😭#anyways they're both complex characters and their conflict is interesting and I hope we get to see how it plays out#cause it's definitely going to be better then that trash d&d came up with 🙏🏾
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would it be ok to ask that this one is posted soon? i could use reassurance about it if thats alright? things are just... really hard.
im trying to come to terms with the fact that im going to be disabled for the rest of my life. i accept that im disabled *now,* but i have a degenerative disease, its not going to just stop being there. its going to keep getting worse slowly over time.
its especially hard because... even now i cant do my favorite hobby, rockhounding, because i cant bend without risking falling, i cant get on the ground to pick things up and/or dig because i wouldnt be able to get up on my own, and i cant navigate most off-road areas where the rocks im interested in are most often found.
i also desperately want to be a geologist. but i wanted more than anything to be doing fieldwork, like going out and taking samples from various areas, making maps of what could be found where based on my samples... that sort of thing. but ill never be able to do it and i have to come to terms with that.
it will get bad enough that i will need a wheelchair at some point in my life too. like, at some point within the next five to ten years.
ill also never be able to pick people up again. my whole life ive prided myself in picking people i love up during hugs, spinning them around, that sort of thing. i especially loved picking up my best friend.
they understand that i cant do that anymore and theyve never expressed sadness over it, but i cant help but think about how delighted theyve always been about me picking them up and spinning or wiggling them during hugs, and how they used to ask multiple times each hangout to be picked up and hugged.
and even if they arent upset about it, *i* am. i want to be able to do what i used to be able to. but i cant. and i never will again.
its just hard, knowing ill never be able to reach my dream career, continue my favorite outdoor hobby, continue giving love to my friends in the ways i like to... theres so much i can no longer do, and so much ill never be able to do again.
its just really hard. i dont want to be this way. but i am and i always will be, and it will get worse even if i do things like meds and physical therapy. those would just delay the collapse of my disease.
im just sad. i dont want to have to come to terms with it. but i have to or else im setting myself up for even more grief.
and its all because my mom wouldnt get me treated when i was injured in my teenage years. that injury going untreated for so long is what caused my degenerative disease to start so early. my mom has it too but she didnt start developing it until her fourties.
and then for years after my injury when talking about my back pain she just kept saying it was because im fat and that it would stop hurting if i lost weight.
which of course sparked the eating disorder i had previously recovered from.
which ive been struggling with now again for years because of that. but i was getting better again.
until now. because my body hurts too bad to get out of bed often enough to eat a healthy amount so im rapidly losing weight and my brain is saying i have to keep going and going.
and, the wheelchair thing... all my friends live and are going to live places with a lot of stairs. and *i* live somewhere with a lot of stairs too. and the doorframes in all these places arent wide enough for a wheelchair, nor are the bathrooms large enough.
its just all so hard to think about. i hate it. i want to get better and heal like a normal person would, not be in pain constantly and get worse like my body is going to.
thank you for listening. sorry for how long this is.
if i could get reassurance in tags or replies that would be really nice. this is all just so hard and i only have a few people i can confide in about it.
<3
#fatphobia#fatphobia mention#tw fatphobia#fatphobia tw#ed mention#ed#tw ed#ed tw#eating disorder#eating disorder tw#eating disorder mention#tw eating disorder#long post#i can't speak from a place of experience but i'm inviting ppl to pop into the comments if u can! :]#disabled ppl can and do (and will!) live complete and fulfilling lives!!! at the same time it won't be the life you had before -#- and it's important to honour that! its ok to mourn what you might be losing (rockhounding/geology) :( <3#and i'm so sorry your mom had dismissed u. regardless of whether or not it would've resulted in disability u deserve to be heard <3#you're going through a big life change but i promise there is so much light and community for you!!! you have so much life to live!!#if your friends are good and kind they'll be more than happy to meet you where you're at :]#''i can't do stairs! instead of using X's living room for movie night let's set up a projector in the back yard?'' kind of thing :]#you are worth the effort to be loved and accommodated. breathing gentleness and love and light your way <33
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[Images description: Twelve pictures of Star Trek actors. The phrase "thank you for being both amazing actors and amazing people" is written across most of the images one word at a time, except for the two images in the middle. The middle images are of William Shatner, reading "not you!" and Robert Beltran, reading "or you for that matter". The actors in the other images are George Takei, René Auberjonois, DeForest Kelley, Gates McFadden, Wil Wheaton, Kate Mulgrew, Patrick Stewart, Siddig El Fadil (aka Alexander Siddig), Nichelle Nichols and Leonard Nimoy. End image description.]
Non exhaustive list of course. Many more such cases, in fact feel free to add
(insp)
#i considered putting sid's full name in the image description but i felt that might complicate things for screen reader users#but just so it's in the post i'll put it in the tags#siddig el tahir el fadil el siddig abdurrahman mohammed ahmed abdel karim el mahdi#yes i did copy paste it my memory is shit. i can't even remember my own full name...#(i gave myself like five different middle names at one point because if i'm already changing my name for trans reasons i might as well have#fun with it right but eventually i stopped using them because i literally kept forgetting my own name and had to look it up)#(i still have the note btw and since it seems i won't legally be using that last name anyway (nor any of the middle names) feel free to ask#anyway#star trek#not star trek#(schrödinger's post lol)#oh!!! i forgot one version of sid's name!! here goes#صدّيق الطاهر الفاضل الصدّيق عبدالرحمن محمد أحمد عبدالكريم المهدي#to be fair there's nothing in that tag (right now) but i guess i'm a completionist. or something#the others are ofc already findable because of the image description#oh and just fyi if you wanna add others do feel free to add new trek actors. i didn't include any here essentially because as soon as i inc#include one of them people are gonna complain i didn't include more of them. plus i ran out of space. sorry tawny#oh and to that one anon: i WILL still answer but i needed a break lol#original posts fresh from quark's pussy
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rick riordan dickriders on here will be like "why are you complaining about the pjo tv show, go watch the movies and see what a bad adaptation really looks like" ok well listen to the musical watch it on youtube and see what a good adaptation looks like bitch. it can be done. as a fucking stage musical. what did that 15 million per episode do for disney that chris mccarell couldn't
#this is such a mean post from someone who does genuinely like the show I'm sorry#like there are aspects I really love!! and aspects I really don't!! which makes it mid for me#but I do genuinely like it overall. at least enough to continue watching#it's just that I see sooooo many people who seem to have this attitude like you can't critique it at all??#and their arguments are usually just. “movies were worse” (so we'll take anything now as long as it's not that?)#or “rick was involved in the writing” (<- NOTTT guaranteed to be a good thing lmao)#anyway it's pissing me off. I'm gonna bitch. “if you like the books so much read the books” I WAS PROMISED A BOOK ADAPTATION#AM I WRONG FOR COMPLAINING WHEN I DON'T GET WHAT I WAS PROMISED#“oh but changes are okay as long as it preserves the spirit of the books” since when was the *spirit* of the books a FUCKING BORE🤨#also the cast doesn't deserve this. stick leah and aryan and walker in a better show#pjo#pjo tv show#pjo disney+#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#the lightning thief musical#anyway all this to say some of the changes and choices are Actually Bad and it won't kill you to admit that I think#rereading this post in the drafts and editing before posting when I was handwringing about how mean it was bitch this is mild
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people just ignore Thor was a feral child, huh? like his life goal was probably to demolish another race at age 12 and he was probably begging to go to war and attempted to murder their father for not letting him via telepathy that he didn't have.
#people are like ''loki stabbed thor at age 8'' like im sorry but thor is older and im pretty sure he would've given loki the knife#Frigga was probably like ohhh you can wage war when your brother is old enough to go with you. can't let you two go alone!#and Thor naturally was like ''ok. i will Arm the Child''#like for SURE Thor was the kid eating dirt while Loki just sat next to him looking very confused about it#Thor: Father said we are Part of Asgard and need to Eat To Grow and then one day will be Big Enough to Fight !#he tries to feed Loki the dirt so he'll grow up quicker too but Loki starts crying and now Thor's forgotten about it and trying to calm him#Thor like no no don't cry i'll find us something else to get big with :(#carries him away and gets dirt all over them both because his hands were still dirty#fast forward the bros are sitting on the ground under a table monching on lemon cakes (or whatever) absolutely COVERED in dirt#they have left a dirt trail behind them so their hiding spot won't be effective for long#and also Thor doesn't think voices should get across what is clearly a sturdy table cloth so he's not sure how they were 'discovered'#Frigga: you cannot get dirty and go in the kitchens#Thor: LOKI WAS SAD. AND WE NEED SUSTAINENCE TO GROW MOTHER. WE MUST FEED.#Frigga: -_-''#(Loki is still munching on a lemon tart. the same one despite the room change because he's eating it slowly while Thor reasons with Frigga)#(half of the words anyone is saying go over his head but he is enjoying the expressions being made)
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This is on my tiktok but I wanted to post it here too bc it's really been bugging me
The caption essentially said that if I see a characterisation I don't like (I used the example of big buff alpha remus) I just scroll because clearly the content was made for someone else and I'm not the target audience
#let people have different interpretations#let out of character fics exist#there's no one right way to write and view a character#if someone wants to throw out canon and write their own interpretation that is AMAZING#if someone wants to explore what one change (such as the black cousins being in an abusive household) could have on the story LET THEM#stop crushing the creativity of young teens because you can't have fun#marauders era#marauders#mwpp#feel kind of bad tagging this with all the fandom tags I'm sorry :/ I just wanted to get it out there#to show people who do write 'ooc' interpretations thay that is FINE#and most people are SO PROUD that you're able to explore and share that creativity with us#dldr#DON'T LIKE DON'T READ#remember that?#there's nothing wrong with liking canon characterisation but you don't have to be a dick about it#you don't have to force it onto everyone around you#they're allowed to make their own versions up#dead gay wizards#id feel so bad putting ship or character tags#bc that's not the content ppl on the tags wanna see so I won't
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you know what? i'm posting the fic this week the earlier the better because fuck it + i must be cleansed + come over and shoot me in the head if i don't do it
#i need that exorcism for real i can't keep dragging its dead (??) weight forward etcetera#i say no to major changes and that wouldn't be a good idea anyway sometimes you have to say yup! this was it from me#and this was it🩷 i swear on my fucking life i just need one more scene (tiny) and some kind of finishing sentence that works#and to read it over critically but not too much#cause as i said no major changes we won't be getting caught up in dumb shit.#and that's it. worse things have been made . before#i have to follow my own philosophy and believe that bad incest fic or a sorry attempt at freak shit is better than no attempt#because yeah sure fuck this fuck me but MORE importantly FUCK anyone who wants us silent and thinks us dangerous and immoral#where was i. oh right this is my basic human right therefore it's worth something. not Something as in actual something but “not nothing”#so suck it😁#good night everyone#kata.txt
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ugh. some thoughts.
really been trying to find the joy in drawing/writing again and honestly it's been such a challenge. friends have told me it's most likely depression that's making it hard to feel motivated and tbh they're probably right.
hoping to get back into being creative in the way I Want to be at some point tho. I miss it. there's still so much with my stories and characters that I haven't been able to share or explain and I wish I knew how without it feeling like this daunting, impossible task.
I don't know when I'll get around to actually sharing art again (or writing, if ever). was hoping that I'd manage to get some of my mental and physical issues in check recently for just long enough to get back into the swing of being creative, but that hasn't seemed to work. everything feels bad, both artistically and physically. I'm struggling to keep up with the frantic pace at which my brain comes up with story concepts and intriguing character interactions, even tho everything in me wishes I could turn it into tangible artistic expression so I can get it out of my head and share it. it used to be easy. I don't know why it's not now.
I'm just . tired, I guess.
#spectre says#text post#negative#vent post#delete later#sorry#i probably shouldn't post this idk#tbh i know i've said this a million times but. even if i'm struggling to draw or whatever#i'm still open for asks. i want so badly to talk about my characters and the things i've been unable to explain through art#but i can't get my own thoughts together enough to know where to start with that in like. just a random post#and asks would be a great way for me to actually focus on one concept at a time based on whatever you guys are curious about#but i hate sounding like i'm begging for attention/interaction i just. genuinely don't know if anyone is interested otherwise#and if you guys do want to know more you HAVE to tell me directly#because vague forms of engagement are difficult for me to comprehend or read between the lines of#i can't read minds obviously ><;;#i know ask culture has changed a lot over the years tho and a lot of ppl don't like sending them out of being shy or whatever#which i understand#it's kind of an awkward form of engagement that no other site really has#so no pressure i'm just letting you know that I won't know if any of you guys are interested in learning more about my stuff#if i'm not told directly is all#anyway. tangent aside#its just been rough mentally my dudes. hopefully things clear up at some point and i won't feel so dead all the time#and actually have the mental clarity to continue drawing/writing like i used to again;;; God willing;;
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Help a canon divergent guy ditch his source name?
Because the whole of the fandom, and all kins, fictives etc hate me and want me dead because of canon material (rightfully so if regarding the canon material, not what I formed on) and despite being divergent I don't feel safe or I guess comfortable bearing my birth name. And wish to change it to distance myself from the canon material.
I might not choose any of these. but they're a few ideas... Just sorta looking for a bit of guidance here. Since yeah, I don't HATE my normal name... but it makes me uncomfortable knowing what it is or will be associated with if I use it.
#system things#system stuff#the clowns are rambling instead of dancing#polls#my polls#system polls#help me decide I guess?#fictive#not tagging source at the moment because then everyone will know who I am.#But I'll sign off using my first letter of my name.#Thanks if you do vote or reblog or whatever in this...#it'll be helpful for me to get away from the absolute disgust I feel with my source name.#even if it doesn't change the fact that whenever I see a post about me in a confession place or just here in general#that they're gonna be telling me how I should be dead and how I should never forgive myself (I haven't and I won't. I can't)#it's a lot. so this would help me out so much. - J#sorta vent#sorry for venting
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brother, i am in the overwhelmed city. the headache city. the holy shit i'm actually sick city. the i have no grasp on life city. i literally can't keep up with anything anymore city
#life#i genuinely feel like someone sent me to the ISS#and i was doing maintenance on the exterior#but i accidentally let go and oops i realized i'm totally untethered#just floating through space#further and further away from whatever my life once was#but at least i have dragon age i guess#i miss my blorbos though.. i miss malstarion.. but my mind struggles to like...#focus on multiple things#it's been getting bad™ bad#so sorry gamers i haven't really been talkative in DMs and whatnot#idk how many 'c'est la vie' i have in me anymore...#and the worst part is that i feel this sense of hopelessness start to sink in#because i'm scared it's just something that won't change#anyway off to see the psychiatrist again tomorrow can't wait to cry for 2 hours straight ✌️😗
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hmm what a nuanced take, I wonder what Georgians themselves think about "selling the country to the EU"
by Talos this can't be happening
#it's almost as if the EU actually objectively offers things that the people of Georgia would like to have access to. woah#you don't have to like th EU or approve of it but the way MLs feel comfortable talking about places they have zero relation to#and completely removing the PEOPLE of those places and the POLITICS of those people is genuinely insane#like I'm sorry you can't fathom how a country of 2 mil people has a serious demographic crisis that their gov is worsening#because young people are VERY EU-oriented and the gov is trying to drag them all back to the USSR you want to cosplay#p: mine#and no; the EU won't magically help anything. as evidenced here; amongst other places#but that doesn't change the fact that the people of Georgia know what they want and it doesn't align with what foreigners think is best#besides; NATO has a presence there since 2008. pretending 'western interests' are some kind of novelty is bullshit lol
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i am on a webby kick rn, so smth for webby pls :3
webby graphics
f2u with credits
#ill be honest for some reason i Can't edit webby correctly#like even in moodboards when i try to change saturation and stuff it just Won't Work sobs#so sorry i know shes your favorite of the libs imso sorry for how . not good they are . atleast for my standards i set on myself#🍒 rqs#emurie's edits#cherrie's edits#i forgot which one it was#ALSO NEW PERSONAL DIVIDERS!! CAN I GET A YIPPEE
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Besties it may be so fucking over. I think I might literally unironically have covid.
Which is. So unbelievably Stupid. For the entire duration of its existence I managed to avoid it. I was gonna get my updated vaccine at the end of the month. I go to a concert (one of many for the fucking record) and I am masking for the majority of it. I get fucked up by a crowd surfer I almost lose a piercing (bloody but healed okay, was only a bit crusty the day after). Maybe it wasn't the wisest decision to put it right back in but like bitch???????????? What else was I gonna do?????? I mean. Maybe if I were smarter I would have just waited til I got home to fully sanitize it. It did happen during the last set. But like are you kidding me do you think I'm thinking anything other than "Oh shit I almost lost a piercing and it would be a pain in the ass to replace it and I don't wanna risk my hole closing up". In all fairness I think I'm allowed to be a bit stupid there.
Anyways my symptoms haven't been cold like or flu like and they feel exactly like what I experienced when I got the vaccine way back when. Headaches, muscle aches, loss of taste, difficulty breathing even just with. A sports bra. I kinda stopped binding a while ago bc of the strain. It may be so fucking over for me. Literally get top surgery or just fucking die. Have to figure out what's up here first though, gonna call my doctor about it. 🧍
#the phone call i've been really struggling w was for top surgery. mentally i'm just. fighting for my life about it#not the surgery but like. the Process. it's always some god damn process. if i could go under the knife tomorrow#i fucking would in a heartbeat.#broadly speaking like i am fighting for my life to get this happening bc i'm gonna age out of my dad's insurance#i also have no idea what that holds. like. do i just die. am i just left for dead. no more meds no more therapy nothing.#to be fair my therapist has said that won't be the case. and she'll help me make the changes necessary#but like i can't help but ALWAYS feel like i'm on borrowed time. the future isn't real and isn't for me.#milo doomerism moment. sorry.#to be fair i cannot live the rest of my life like this. the body positivity movement has been great esp for trans people#but like. i cannot body positivity myself out of dysphoria. i'm just not built like that.#i'm almost jealous of people who can. and i have to remind myself that's so epic and cool actually i love that for them#but like. my own experience w my own body. bitch i barely fucking live here. i hate it here.
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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*scrolling through the tag for the first time*
"Mizu is a trans man and so it's transphobic for the creators to show part of his life as a woman or talk about him with she/her at all"
*absurd amount of self control not to engage in what would become a fruitless discussion, ultimately keep scrolling*
"Mizu is a woman and it's disrespectful to women to call her a trans man because it takes away a 'strong woman' representation"
*scream into a pillow*
#blue eye samurai#the character themself doesn't care at all about their gender#which leads me to headcanon them agender BUT#they could end up being gender binary either way#they just don't have time/comfort/opportunity etc to think about it#that's an interesting character to think about the whole spectrum of gender#(and that's both a bit funny and a bit sad that even outside their show they can't escape the narrative (being gendered))#i'm bad at explaining stuff sorry#in conclusion: stop telling people what to do 0_0#and stop seeing everyone that disagree with you as automatically *bad*#most people seeing mizu as a woman arent transphobic#no more than most of those seeing mizu as a man are misogynistic#EDIT i think i've find a better way to say what i want to say#it is interesting for the story/the character/yourself to see or having seen mizu as a trans man or woman or nonbinary#and what they are intended to be/will maybe revealed to be doesn't matter and won't (or shouldn't) change that
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